Breathe no more
by nuritacobarrubias
Summary: While Neo is in coma, Trinity is fighting against herself. A soul war.


Title: Breathe no more  
  
Author: nuritacobarrubias  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Category: Songfic: Romance/angst  
  
Edited by: ttlg, the cinema girl!  
  
Disclaimer: They are not mine, they are of the two pairs of the Wbrothers. The song isn´t mine either, it´s from the best group: Evanescence. ( I know, it´s overdone)  
  
Summary: While Neo is in coma, Trinity fights against herself. A soul war.  
  
A/N: This is for everyone that writes fanfiction, for all the good times that you have given me reading good stuff, for all the people from the Looking glass, my second family. join! And specially for ttlg for all her support and patience  
  
BREATHE NO MORE  
  
"I've been looking in the mirror for so long.  
  
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side."  
  
How many years have I been on the real world? So many I can't even remember. And yet, I've never been here, not before you...  
  
I promised you and myself I wouldn't leave your side until you wake up from your comma, but Morpheus insisted he would be taking care of you at least, until I came back from the lavatory...  
  
We are soldiers; we live between two realities, two lives. This border line is an invisible mirror, a trap for the deceit, just like the mirror in front of me right now. The Matrix cannot tell you who you are, but neither can the real world. There, in the Matrix, I could be what I really wanted to, I could control everything, and there would be no doubts, no fears, no weakness. "It's not real" I kept saying but I was the only one that didn't really believe it. There I was THE TRINITY, the all powerful-omnipotent-second-in- command of the Nebuchadnezzar.  
  
It all changed with you. I can't think of nothing else, you are everywhere. The memory of you saving me from death is still fresh on my mind and my skin. I don't mind dying, I know I will soon, all I want is to be able to say to you the only thing that really matters. I thought you gave me one more chance to do it before I die, but I can't help thinking in the possibility that you might not awake...  
  
And suddenly the realisation hits me hard, bringing tears to my eyes, something new for this soldier.  
  
"All the little pieces falling, shatter.  
  
Shards of me,  
  
too sharp to put back together.  
  
Too small to matter, But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.  
  
If I try to touch her"  
  
I don't recognise myself anymore, I somehow realise I'm not the same person as the one in the mirror. She. She always haunts me; I have always tried to act like her, to build a cover shell around me. I guess I've succeed, that's why they call me the Ice queen... But I have failed for real. Now, in my solitude I'm facing her through the looking glass and I'm losing this battle. I see myself , my back against the wall with my arms around me wishing they were yours, sobbing, crying, weeping, mourning, dying.  
  
"And I bleed,  
  
I bleed,  
  
and I breathe,  
  
I breathe no more."  
  
I bleed. My soul bleeds. Silent cries of desperation that beg for salvation, though they aren't heard because I'm the one that keeps them silent. I can't breathe but I'm not even aware of it.  
  
I have awakened. Now I can see myself dying. You are the only One that can save me, just because you are the only One I'll let to.  
  
"Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.  
  
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child."  
  
I would fall in love with a man and that man, the man that I'd love would be the One. Is that true? Are you the One because I love you? Or do I love you because you are the One? There are no answers, but now I know it doesn't even matter. It has never mattered at all. Some time ago I told someone that there was a difference between a test and a choice, but I can't say anymore.  
  
"Lie to me;  
  
convince me that I've been sick forever.  
  
And all of this  
  
will make sense when I get better."  
  
I couldn't tell you before Neo, but I wasn't afraid of death. I was afraid of love and all that it meant. I was afraid of me. I was afraid of this war inside me. I believe in you just as much as you believe in me. So blindly it scares, but now, if you don't come back to me there won´t be anything left for me to believe in, I won't have a purpose, a reason to live and I'll die. Please wake up and tell me it's all right, that this crazy situation makes sense somehow.  
  
"Well I know the difference,  
  
between myself and my reflection.  
  
I just can't help but to wonder,  
  
which of us do you love?"  
  
There will always be the doubt in my head because I don't even dare to ask you, with a silent glance we communicate. Words of a new language we have built, for us, for the secret lovers that want to hide their voices, when we learnt it there was no silence anymore, we didn't have to use our voices to break it.  
  
I think this is my biggest fear, if not the only one. That you Neo, my saviour may not love me, you may love The Trinity, the all powerful- omnipotent-second-in-command of the Nebuchadnezzar. My reflection, not myself: The Trinity through the looking glass.  
  
"So I bleed, I bleed,  
  
and I breathe, I breathe no...  
  
Bleed, I bleed,  
  
and I breathe, I breathe no more" 


End file.
